Learning to Let Go

Is your last name Heath?
Me: Yes, why?

That explains a lot.
Me: A lot. A lot of what?

How you act.
Me: How do I act?

ANGRY.

I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard that. Actually, I wish I had a nickel for every time I believed that. I believed that because of my last name, I had to be angry. I’m not talking about righteous anger. I’m talking about an unhealthy, quick to explode, never knowing when things might push it over the edge, throw a plate, anger.

If you’ve never felt this, be thankful. If you’ve ever experienced the receiving end of this, I apologize for the hurt that was caused by it.

After wrestling with this gut-wrenching weight for the majority of my life, I have finally laid it down and asked God to deliver me from this bondage. If this is your struggle, my prayer today is that this piece of my heart will help you get one step closer to freedom. I wrote the poem below as my final step of letting go and letting God heal the inner parts of my heart.

You see, I didn’t choose to pick up this generational bondage, but I did choose to let it go.

I’m Angry
Why? Why you ask?
Because…just because
Because of the pain, because of the shame, because of the hurt.

Don’t you know what he did? What she said?

I’ve lost my dignity, my innocence…my identity.

I WANT THEM TO HURT TOO!

They just go on with their little lives: happy, smiling, giggling.
Don’t they know what they’ve done to me? I’ll show them!

What? It isn’t them? It’s me? It’s my fault.
WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY? I deserve to feel this way.

Forgiveness?

I’m so angry I forget what that looks like.
Help me heal…I doubt it. The comfort in anger wraps around me, holds me, keeps me company. Forgiveness seems so far away.

How do I even start to walk down this path?
Turn around…take one step. That’s all you’re asking?
Surely there’s a trick.

Hold your breath…say a prayer. Let the journey begin.
Renew your mind, heal your spirit and walk in the FREEDOM it gives.

FORGIVENESS!

Amie Heath gave up a "real world job" to follow a ministry path that even she could not have imagined.  She is the Director of Special Projects at the North Charleston Dream Center and can love on some people.  Amie is creative, speaks Spanish, and will leave light-up snowmen on your porch, in April, and let her friends take the blame. She and Oliver, and their two dogs, live in Mt. Pleasant, SC.